Badges of Story, Not Shame

My body is created, knit together, strong, wonderful, just as it says in the Bible. Yet some days I catch my reflection and don’t recognize my hips. I scrutinize my wrinkles and sun spots, rather than wear them as reminders of laughter and days at the beach. 

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13 ESV

When I sit far too long on the floor with my kids on the floor, I groan, stretch, and wobble up our stairs, instantly fighting back shame and embarrassment. This body that aches is the same one that was paralyzed 5 years ago, the same body that carried my children, and still comforts loved ones. The cellulite and stretch marks that I notice on my stomach could tell the story of carrying children, running and biking long distances, and activity.

As the reflection displays bumps across my hairline that should be covered with a hat or bangs, I push back the feelings of vanity and wear the badge proudly of a woman who survived a brain tumor. 

On the inside we have wounds, scars, aches. They look and feel differently, and are not noticeable to the eye. Words that we were hurt by can be redeemed by God, lies spoken over us uncovered and healed by our Healer. Doubts crushed by faith.

Let us wear our badges with God’s grace and through His eyes. My body is God’s workmanship. Your body is God’s workmanship, FOR A PURPOSE.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Now, let us embrace our stories, throw off the shame, and walk in those works…one step at a time.

A Kind Letter is More Difficult Than You Think

We’ve all thought back about what we’d tell ourselves decades before. I know I’d tell myself not to wear those hand me down 80s clothes in the 90s, skip the ratted bangs, baggy Skidz pants, and the oversized Polo shirt.

Jump ahead 10 years from now and I wonder what I would want to tell 40-year-old Virginia. I have always been critical of myself.

I AM WRITING THIS FOLLOWING LETTER SAYING THINGS I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW.

So as I write this, know that I hardly need a reminder that I am saved from my poor choice by grace, and that I daily lay down my tendencies toward people pleasing or anxiety. I am learning to ask Jesus how He sees me and to walk in freedom, and am sharing because I know I am not alone in this.

A kind letter to myself is more difficult than you think.

Dear V,

Beautiful woman of God, you are free. You are forgiven. Stop and let this soak in. Sit in this truth, and don’t just throw a checkmark to the left of it on your to-do list. Stop and celebrate.

Ok, now let’s move on to something big, just because you stepped out of one position doesn’t mean you’re not seeking God or His ways. You are not a failure. You are far from that. You are created in God’s image, His bride. You are another voice to proclaim His love in a world that so desperately needs to not only hear but see His love lived out. God’s ways are higher, and you don’t see all that He is preparing you for. Those moments that flew by in your 30s and now have kingdom impact, only because you don’t stop.

Stay rooted in God’s Word, and live with open hands, eyes open to the faithfulness of God. Girl, (yes, you’re still a little girl), in the midst of the heartache and confusion you may face, don’t forget how God is present. He walks with you. He loves and cares. The moments you feel seen, loved, held “together” and free, that’s just the beginning.

The lies you began to believe in your youth and still creep back in, they are brought down with Truth…don’t stop the fight. The battle is won with our Savior and in His power.

The unknown of homeschooling and frustrations and fears of the entire prospect seem but a passing breeze to the powerful storms of renewal and growth. Don’t freeze in fear, march on.

Don’t become numb to the world’s sadness. Let the tears for the hurting spur you on to action, not send you crying in the corner. Keep going.

The exercise, keep up the exercise. You’ll be glad you did. Those stretches and that healthy food help you jump out of bed much faster every day. Who cares if your pant size doesn’t display the health of your bones and spirit. The worries you have about the dimples and stretch marks is wasted time. You are God’s creation, don’t see yourself as less. You can walk and move (remember when you were paralyzed or had that brain tumor?) Yes, so throw away the scale, wear clothing confidently, and teach your kids what real health looks and feels like.

The time you spent in prayer for each of your children, family member, and friends, that’s what lasts.

Hormones, oh goodness, the hormones and changes in your life, eh, it’s new. Read the books, pray, and just name it and take it on. You’re not going crazy. It’s normal-ish.

Keep spending time with your husband, those energetic kids, your family, and friends. The busy times only slow down when you choose.

Friends, don’t assume they are “too busy”, be a good friend, pursue, encourage, walk with them.

Continue practicing saying no, and don’t fear when it's time to say yes to the bold opportunities God opens up for you. Confidently move forward.

Continue to put down the phone and look those precious ones in the eyes and wrap your arms around them as much as you can. They grow quickly. Those conversations at night and stories retold will be precious memories. This parenting gig is a difficult privilege. Don’t hold back.

God is faithful. You are here for a purpose, march on.

~V

What do you need to remind yourself of right now? Don’t wait 10 years and feel regret. Face it, line it up with God’s Truth and move forward.