I am Virginia, wife of Paul for 12 years, Mom to 3 kids ages 10 to 5. I shared this tiny bit of my story with the women of my church the other week. I pray as I share it here that you may be encouraged.
I grew up going to church, accepted Jesus as my personal Savior at the age of 5, and read my Bible through my teen years. I served in the church and made every effort to please both God and others. In college I rededicated my life to Jesus after some poor choices, and ended up being able to go abroad and serve alongside some local churches and support them. I am a teacher, love to create, and enjoy the outdoors. I had a brain tumor 9 years ago, was paralyzed for 6 weeks and had an undiagnosed infection that could’ve taken my life. Health then became my idol and source of fear.
When I was asked to answer, What are you currently trusting God for? As a new homeschooling mom to 3, it was great for me to sit and reflect.
What am I trusting God for, and how does that look?
Identity. I am daily trusting God for Identity in Him.
The clutter, cries, and minute by minute needs can leave me feeling overwhelmed and lost if I’m not rooted in Who God says I am. I can find myself attempting to find my identity in what I do or do not do, rather than who God says I am. I can choose to put on anxiety and worry that I messed up, worry about being around for my kids, and since I had some of the oddest things happen to me, in the back of my head I can jump to the google answer as a possibility. I can choose to spiral, or I can choose humility and Jesus’ forgiveness. I can accept His wisdom, and grace, remembering that I am redeemed, I am God’s beloved. I am the daughter of the One True King. I am more than a conquerer in Christ Jesus.
How do I practically do this? How do I remember that my identity is not defined when my hands are soaking in a pile of dishes with squabbles at my side, or when I’m greeted by underwear still attached to the inside out pants? How do I keep my cool? By seeking God in His Word, in worship, and in prayer. I have verses and reminders around my house that I may sometimes shout out in the shower, or cry into my pillow. When those thoughts enter my mind, I am trying to be mindful and refute lies with Truth. Prayer, prayer changes everything. (I’m blessed to be married to a man who loves Jesus. As I type this, I know that is not true of everyone’s situation, but this is part of how I battle the lies.) Every morning the most beautiful, imperfect words pour out of my husband’s mouth, as he prays for me, and our family. Every evening we pray over our family again. I say imperfect because the words we say don’t make our prayers beautiful, the power, grace, and love of God does. I share with him my fears, and he knows he can’t do anything but to get on his knees and point me to Jesus. In addition, I may text a friend to ask for her to pray when a new headache follows me all day, or my patience has disappeared. What would have crippled me in fear in the past, now I try to see as a highway rumble strip with a fast correction.
Peace. I am daily trusting God for peace.
Peace for the anxious times. Peace in the busy schedules. I am daily on my knees praying for help to let go of the control over my husband, my kids, house, homeschool, friendships, unknowns. When left on my own my brain can quickly hit the worst case scenario. He’s so good to show me in His Word, help calm my nerves, and remind me who I am in Him, and what He calls us to. Here are the verses I had memorized and placed under my pillow before my brain surgery.
Philippians 4:4-9, ESV
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
I am not to think about how I may have disappointed my husband, I am not to be thinking about the broken glass. I am not to be focusing on the horrible news that fills our feeds, no, I am to be anxious for nothing, pray, and replace that with God’s truth, lovely things, and thanksgiving.
How do I practically do this? Log off of Facebook, and block it on my phone. Remove Instagram. Refuse to watch the news. Listen to audiobooks and spotify playlists of the good, true, and lovely.
Provision. I am daily trusting God for His Provision
as I am no longer working outside of the home. Last year God was very clear that I was to take a leave of my teaching position and pull my kids home. I looked foolish to many, lost some friendships, but am at peace about where He has us. God has provided just enough, every month. It is faith growing to watch how God provides little blessings that may have gone unnoticed in prior years.
How do we trust God to provide?
We live on a tight budget and shop at Aldi too. We watch our finances closely, and pray faith filled prayers. Our decade old mini van gets us around town, and we utilize the Hoopla app and the library now rather than purchasing books. We pray with our kids about the little and big things. They have seen God provide a gift card for Gigi’s sparkle boots when she needed new shoes and we couldn’t find any at the thrift. We’ve seen God provide supplements, new to us appliances, new to us vintage door, size 5 winter coat and boots, just praying and watching God provide in unique ways. We also realize we don’t need as much as we thought we did in the past.