“Mom, that looks like the rug in your old Kindergarten classroom!” my daughter exclaims as I shuffle hesitantly into the living room. All eyes turn to examine me, as my tears tattle on the confident smile I attempt to paint on my face.
The pajamas I slid onto my nearly 41-year-old shifting body have flowers all over and cling to the least confident of places. My daughter’s excitement to see me try on the gift keeps me from running back to my room. The cozy pajamas my husband surprised me with look more like my Grandma’s jammies than those of a young bride. I crumble inside.
The gift, presented on a day that I am struggling, a day that began celebrating 13 years of marriage, is not joyfully received. I allow lies to roll into my mind and day, comparing myself to the young woman in the now-retired white dress boxed in my basement.
I begin to refute the lies screaming in my mind and pray desperate prayers to help me see.
Desperate prayers for significance in the right place.
Pleading for a renewed mind.
Spilling what I was feeling out loud.
And then, in the place of lies dug out, truth pours in.
I am more than a size, gray hair, and wrinkles. Those lines, in fact, are honorable and thankfully mark more smiles and joy than frowns and frustration. These legs hold me up as I walk my daughter to the bus, and run errands for my loved ones. My hurting hips are a constant reminder of the blessing of growing my babies inside of me years ago.
Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a crown of glory;
it is gained in a righteous life.
&
Proverbs 31:26-31
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
and with that, my perspective is changed yet again. God’s truth replacing the lies that snuck in. I know there will be a need for reminders, but today I’ll stand.
Instead of returning the oh so cozy pajamas, I wear them as a reminder that:
My significance is not based on the current shape of my body.
I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
My significance is based on what God thinks of me. I am loved, I am forgiven, I am free, and I have been made by the Creator, the gracious, loving, awesome God.
My practical and thoughtful husband will buy quality, value, and comfort, and that’s one of the things I love about him. I did meet him in his hiking store after all.
