Dishes stack in the sink, a junk drawer spills onto the floor, and I slide down head between my hands. My chest tightens, my breaths get quicker, and anxiousness tries to settle again. I love the reason for the mess, it represents life, joy, family, and friends; however being surrounded by it alerts my nerves and I am a puddle of anxiety.

From this place of honesty, I have been working on this.

So how do we handle this need for space and orderliness in the midst of a joy-filled messy life?

I go back and forth on saying, “come on over and see my mess” and the deep, quiet senseless shame of the pile of laundry at the end of the hall. So, let’s start the conversation. How do we allow the mess but don’t allow it to take over? What tools or systems do you have in place that help with this (and still allow for the imperfect)?

1. First, let’s all decide that we are going to live, make messes, cook, bake, craft, explore. Please do not continue reading if you are going to judge, compare, or feel guilty.

2. I shared my love of purging clutter, and how my refrigerator is home to a junk bowl that could fall off at any moment. That space allows my counters to be clean. So, embrace the junk drawer, closet, or basket that houses all of the little unclaimed signs of life. If it’s unclaimed and smaller than my hand, I open the drawer and slide it in. Once a month I sort it into piles, take all of the money, and call everyone to take their stuff.

3. Invite others to join in the pick up. Ask your kids to pick up their items before heading to the next thing. Sometimes we set a 5 minute time. Everyone drops everything and picks up for 5 minutes. Other times we may stop and pick up 10 items (and yes, they have tried to count 10 Legos…nice try, nice try).

4. Have a quiet, calm, and clean space at all times. My front living room (that makes it sound like we have a huge house, in which we do not) is that space for me. I have a lamp, books, and a pretty view of some of my favorite things. When we’ve had a busy day, and the dishes were thrown in the sink to make it to the next place on time, I can still sit for 5 minutes and regroup before tackling the crazy. It also gives me a space to invite someone into and not be distracted by what I “should be doing”. The chores will get done, focus on who you are with.

5. I used to light a candle after cleaning each room (thanks to my college roomie for giving me that trick) but now I use my diffusers in place of that. I diffuse essential oils not only for a scent, health reasons, but also because if you go into my bathroom and look up, you’ll see the soot mark on my ceiling from a candle I found in a back closet and lit to “use up”. Ugh. Sometimes I add a little essential oil to my envirocloths and that helps add a bit of scent. Well, let me clarify…I don’t add the oil to my cloths, I usually have a few spills when filling the diffusers so I wipe them up with my fresh cleaning cloths.

6. I have a wonderful 10 year old that loves to bake and help in the kitchen. It has been fun to teach her how to create in the kitchen and not have a mess to clean up at the end. We always start with a clean kitchen, and the dishwasher available to be filled. We pull out everything we need, and as we add the items to the recipe we put the supplies away as we go. By the time the goodies hit the oven we just need to wash a bowl and wipe down the counter again.

7. My brain works in systems. When I was working full-time I attempted them, but I just couldn’t seem to pull our systems together. Now, being home all day, I don’t have a choice. We must create and implement some systems or our house would be trashed everyday. New season, new rules. I haven’t quite gotten the meal-planning down yet. I have Pinterest boards full of ideas, but finding the recipes that my family enjoys and doesn’t take hours is a huge plus. We do Taco Tuesday, Breakfast Thursday, Pasta, and then the rest are up in the air as of now. I’d love for you to share some favorite recipes in the comments below!

8. Laundry is my least favorite chore, or at least it was. Sorry Mom, I don’t sort my lights and darks. I sort by room the clothes end up in. I have my piles sorted in the basement. When there’s enough of one pile to wash a load, I wash it. Then when it is fresh, I pass off the laundry to the kid who owns it. I just have my laundry to take care of then (don’t look in front of my closet right now).

9. Sheets, we’ve all seen the lovely way to fold fitted sheets, and how beautiful they are in the cupboard. Our kids rip the sheets out of the closet for their forts. So, to solve this, I have gotten rid of a ton of sheets, put “fort sheets” in a basket, and then with the good bed sheets, I throw sets into their pillowcase.

10. See the beautiful. Rather than seeing the fingerprints as a chore, recognize it as a sign of life. What will matter 100 years from now? The spotless fridge, or the people you loved well?